Because we could all use a change of subject…

How about a look into my family tree?

My Dad has 2 girls and 2 boys.
And only the girls had boys.
And the boys (BOY, actually. Only one of my brothers has kids) have girls.
Also, the girls are done having kids.
So I guess it’s on the boys to make us sommore of my surname.

Really, just my baby brother. Because I’m pretty sure that if my little brother tries again for a boy he’ll probably have TWINS that will also be girls for his trouble.

This has nothing to do with anything except for the fact that today’s my Daddy’s Birthday!

And what better way to commemorate my Dad’s birthday than with a Black History Fact of The Day (BHFOTD)?
*AHEM*

On THIS day in 1862, Ida B Wells was born a slave in Holly Springs, Mississippi just before President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation. Wells-Barnett became a prolific social activist and champion for the right of African-Americans. She was also a founding member of the NAACP.

In March 1892 a white mob invaded her friends’ (Thomas Moss, Calvin McDowell, and Henry Stewart) store because was seen as competitive with a white-owned grocery store across the street. During the altercation, three white men were shot and injured. Moss, McDowell, and Stewart were arrested and jailed. A large lynch mob stormed the jail and killed the three men.

The murder drove Wells to research and document lynchings and their causes. She began investigative journalism, looking at the charges given for the murders. She officially started her anti-lynching campaign. She spoke on the issue at various black women’s clubs, and raised more than $500 to investigate lynchings and publish her results. Wells found that blacks were lynched for such reasons as failing to pay debts, not appearing to give way to whites, competing with whites economically, being drunk in public, walking down the street with a pack of skittles and an iced tea (WAIT. WHAT?). She published her findings in a pamphlet entitled “Southern Horrors: Lynch Laws in All Its Phases.”

Wells received much support from other social activists and her fellow clubwomen. In his response to her article in the Free Speech, Frederick Douglass expressed approval of her work: “You have done your people and mine a service…What a revelation of existing conditions your writing has been for me.” (Freedman, 1994). Wells took her anti-lynching campaign to Europe with the help of many supporters. In 1896, Wells founded the National Association of Colored Women, and also founded the National Afro-American Council. Wells formed the Women’s Era Club, the first civic organization for African-American women. This later was named the Ida B. Wells Club, in honor of its founder.

Wells spent the latter thirty years of her life in Chicago working on urban reform. She also raised her family and worked on her autobiography. After her retirement, Wells wrote her autobiography, Crusade for Justice (1928).

She never finished it; the book ends in the middle of a sentence, in the middle of a word. Wells died of uremia (kidney failure) in Chicago on March 25, 1931, at the age of sixty-eight.

An aside: I know I said we could all use a change of subject. I mean I changed it right? We’re talking about a lady who chose to expose lynchings of her people in a time where it was pretty much acceptable to do to people whatever they wanted because even though black people were free they were still considered insignificant and not really people, so what’s the big damn deal because it’s not like people aren’t still killing black folks with no consequence, right? has the same birthday as my Daddy.

 

 

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I’m often not paying attention when people are talking to me…

Valet guy: Necesita cambio?
Me: Yep.
Valet guy: Cuanto?
Me: 14 bucks.

Valet guy: En espanol, por favor.
Me: …..?
Valet guy: you’re answering me. So say it in Spanish.
(I would like y’all to know that I didn’t realize he was speaking in Spanish)

Me: huh. Catorce.

And that’s how I got busted by the Valet guy.

(The only bonus is that I don’t have to listen to them talk about my ass like they were doing yesterday)
(FYI: apparently, it’s spectacular)

Can we just talk about my hair for a minute…?

I don’t care if Michelle Obama *IS* the first lady

She’s not the first lady to ever have bangs and Goddammit,

If people don’t stop saying “Oh, look at you and your Michelle Obama bangs”

I’m gonna punch somebody in the junk. Hard. TWICE.

 

EFF YOUR I…. I had bangs previously, and they were just bangs.

NOW, they are FLOTUS bangs, and no. They are not.

 

 

They’re just damn bangs, and I wish everybody would stop.

Because the next person that says that is going to get the whole

“OH, ARE YOU SAYING THAT BECAUSE WE ARE BOTH BLACK AND HAVE BANGS?”

And that’s going to be awkward. For them.

Because that will certainly be my intention.

 

Sidenote: I’m sure the FLOTUS is a nice lady, and yeah, her hair looks nice. But what if I HATED her? What if that was the equivalent of calling me a dirty rotten whore? (Don’t be that person that assumes that all black people must love Michelle Obama. I mean, I MIGHT like her, but I may also think she’s an asshole. It’s entirely possible, guys.)

But maybe consider that  it has NOTHING AT ALL to do with famous person currently associated with that hairstyle. My cousin (of the same name) ALSO has this hairstyle. Maybe that’s why I did it. OR MAYBE I JUST WANTED BANGS.

If you ask me really nice…

I may say yes.

Part of my job is ordering supplies for our breakroom. It’s pretty fancy. It’s got everything you need in a breakroom, except food. You gotta bring your own food.

ANYWAYS, I got an email asking me to review some of the items that I ordered: Coffee, Sweetner…spoons. Really? You guys want me to give you a review on spoons?

Image

You’re welcome, guys.

Sidenote: It asked me to upload a picture, and I didn’t. I feel like I missed my opportunity to upload this picture (taken from deviantart – TigerofMyth)

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I feel like it screams, “I FUCKING LOVE SPOONS!”

Obligatory (vaguely) political post

Also known as “e-mails I send to my friends”

I know I can’t be the only person watching the DNC? I also watched the RNC. With The Brat.

  1. I’m #nanaspotting
  2. She’s a LOT harder to find with all those colored folks. It’s like playing “Where’s Waldo?”
  3. It would be easier to find her if she had been at the RNC
    • Maybe. Because she’s pretty light.
    • But. My auntie is MY complexion, so she would’ve been that yellow lady sitting next to the ONE black lady.
    • Then again, she wouldn’t be caught dead at the RNC.
    • Side note: The Brat would like to have enough money that she would need to stockpile in a Swiss bank account.
    • How much money is that anyways?
  4. My mom will be there again tonight. Auntie will be wearing some sort of “Cat in the Hat” hat.
    • I don’t know what that means.
  5. @QueenofSpain will be there tonight.
    • I gave her my mom’s number to stalk her up.
    • I love my friends.
  6. Shame I’m gonna miss tonight because I’m going to be at FNO.
  7. HURRAY FOR FNO!
    • BOO for conflicting with politics & football (last night. But the Steelers weren’t playing so….)
    • I really hate having cowboy fans in my life. This win has made them unbearable already.
    • Also? HURRAY FOR DVR
  8. Is it Friday yet?

I’d apologize for sending it to my girl friend who is SUPER REPUBLICAN. Only, for what? We have differing views, I still love you. Also? I can never resist poking at people who take themselves that seriously. EVER. You’ve been warned.

 

Don’t forget to vote!

Everyone mentions how drunk they got when they write complaints, right?

I am frequently enlisted to write letters for people because I love to say “FUCK YOU” in the most professional way possible. But I hate writing letters of complaint. I don’t know why, because obviously they are the people who need it most. But after talking to my Mom about my horrible flight from Vegas, she told me to write a letter. And because my mommy knows best, I did:

Dear Southwest,

I’m not really sure what say, except that I’m fairly unhappy that it seems as though my last few flights with you guys have ended up with me waiting in the airport for hours while the people that I’m meeting up with at the destination are waiting on me.

 My flight was about an hour delayed GETTING to Vegas  and two hours leaving Las Vegas. And I’m not going to lie to you: After lying by the pool drinking for an entire weekend, I was MORE than ready to go home. I was tired, a little bit hungover and the very last thing I wanted to do was spend several hours hanging around the airport. WHICH, by the way was super crowded because, OBVIOUSLY.

 Anyways, I know that y’all are reasonably priced — which is sort of the point when you plan on leaving all of your hard earned dollars in Vegas, and I really had to think long and hard about booking this flight due to your track record for previous flights. I’m not generally a complainer, but, I just feel like you guys should know:

 It’s driving me crazy that you guys are super convenient as far and dates/times I want to go somewhere, but I can’t trust you to get me there when you say because YOU ARE ALWAYS BEING DELAYED. I wasn’t even the only flight being delayed while I was in the terminal. I heard an audible groan from another one of your flights that had ALSO been delayed. AGAIN.

 Please. Let me love you. Don’t make me find another airline. I don’t want to. But I will, if these keeps happening.

–Me.

I know my mom is SUPER PROUD she gave me that advice.

The things I tell my friends

Sometimes, all I can do is send e-mails in bullets. I’m pretty much the laziest e-mail writer ever:

Subject: Preemptive Strike

1. Did not bring my lunch today.

2. Also? Forgot my sweater from Old Navy that still has the sensor on it.

3. BUT. Am going to the sprint store today for lunch.

4. I have a headache.  I think that caffeine may be necessary.

                a. I’ve already had 2 Aleve

                b. AND a caramel macchiato. But it was decaf?

                c. Maybe I should just have a ½ a coke.

5. I sent this in an e-mail with no explanation to The Man in warning:

Yes, I just told the entire internet it's my ladytime

                 a. I feel like he deserves fair warning for my all around general b!tchy attitude during my rare waking hours because shark week is also making me sleepy.