I don’t just have ridiculous conversations with other people…

I have them with my husband too.

In order to get anything that The Man has stored in the garage, I have to submit a request to “Supply”. Yes. *HE* is Supply. So, in case you were thinking I’m the only ridiculous person in this relationship, you were wrong. SO VERY WRONG.

Anyways, my prima asked to borrow some chairs the day before her jewelry party. I sent an e-mail to Supply because I figured it would be easier. It was not.

Dear Supply, Prima is having a jewelry party tomorrow and wants to know if she can have a few extra chairs for me to take over. Do I need to submit a handwritten request or can I submit an electronic one?

Dear Briya,Thank you for inquiring about chairs availability. You didn’t ask if we had chairs available, you just assumed. In your request, please ask for availability. ALSO: It has been brought to the attention of supply, that you still have an item checked out. Please ensure, that you return all previously checked out items, before asking for more stuff.

AND? Please submit request in writing.

Dear Supply, Are there chairs available for use tomorrow afternoon for a jewelry party? ALSO: My fekking suitcase is by the door waiting on your ass to put it away.

Dear Briya, your tone is out of place.

Dear Supply, You started it.

Dear Briya, I do believe we talked about last minute supply request and the charge.

Dear Supply, I got the request today, which is why I wanted to submit it ELECTRONICALLY.

Dear Briya, Please ensure that supply receives a paper request for items, as we need to keep records of issued items. Supply will be closing today at 3:15pm. If you have not returned your last borrowed item by the time you read this, your supply account will be suspended for 2 weeks.

Dear Supply, That’s BS! I don’t even get home until 8 tonight.

Dear Briya, Supply is closed.

Dear Supply, You SUCK.

Dear Briya, SO.


I forward my e-mail to Prima with a comment: I’ll call you when I get the chairs tomorrow. Supply is being a jerkface.