Everyone mentions how drunk they got when they write complaints, right?

I am frequently enlisted to write letters for people because I love to say “FUCK YOU” in the most professional way possible. But I hate writing letters of complaint. I don’t know why, because obviously they are the people who need it most. But after talking to my Mom about my horrible flight from Vegas, she told me to write a letter. And because my mommy knows best, I did:

Dear Southwest,

I’m not really sure what say, except that I’m fairly unhappy that it seems as though my last few flights with you guys have ended up with me waiting in the airport for hours while the people that I’m meeting up with at the destination are waiting on me.

 My flight was about an hour delayed GETTING to Vegas  and two hours leaving Las Vegas. And I’m not going to lie to you: After lying by the pool drinking for an entire weekend, I was MORE than ready to go home. I was tired, a little bit hungover and the very last thing I wanted to do was spend several hours hanging around the airport. WHICH, by the way was super crowded because, OBVIOUSLY.

 Anyways, I know that y’all are reasonably priced — which is sort of the point when you plan on leaving all of your hard earned dollars in Vegas, and I really had to think long and hard about booking this flight due to your track record for previous flights. I’m not generally a complainer, but, I just feel like you guys should know:

 It’s driving me crazy that you guys are super convenient as far and dates/times I want to go somewhere, but I can’t trust you to get me there when you say because YOU ARE ALWAYS BEING DELAYED. I wasn’t even the only flight being delayed while I was in the terminal. I heard an audible groan from another one of your flights that had ALSO been delayed. AGAIN.

 Please. Let me love you. Don’t make me find another airline. I don’t want to. But I will, if these keeps happening.


I know my mom is SUPER PROUD she gave me that advice.

Just when you think she ISN’T like me, she proves she is

This is my sissie y’all.

She’s cute, right?

Anyways, she is known as the more RESPONSIBLE of the two of us. And less apt to say ridiculous things.  BUT, every once in a while she does something to prove that we are related.

So on the way back from Vegas, we stopped at Alien Fresh. Because, OF COURSE WE DID.

And they had this:

Yeah, I am NOT going to purchase an empty jerky bag that says invisible.

Sissie’s BoyToy: So you’re not getting any invisible jerky?

Me: No. Tasted weird.


Sissie: ..? They have invisible jerky? I didn’t see that over by the tasters. Do you have to get that up front?

Me: ::turns around and looks at her::

Me: *blink*

Sissie: …OH.


EVERYONE: ::turns to stare::

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one saying ridiculous things.