You know those single toilet bathroom deals? You know, not the ones with the stalls? I would like to go over the rules with you.
- You go into the bathroom.
- You lock the door.
- You do your business (WHATEVER that business is: putting on make up, turning your undies right side in because you got dressed in the dark and you’ve been walking around with your draws inside out, having naughty afternoon sex with a married doctor- I work in a hospital, guys. This is not as unlikely as you’d think)
- YOU WASH YOUR HANDS.
- You leave.
This sounds fairly accurate, right? I don’t think that I’m leaving out anything super important.
NOW. I would like to suggest that there are reciprocal rules for people WHO ARE WAITING to use the restroom when it is occupied:
- You knock/jiggle the handle.
- You see that it is locked.
- YOU WAIT.
Seem reasonable? And by reasonable, I mean that you wouldn’t see that it is locked, AND THEN UNLOCK THE DOOR?
Because THEN you might completely rip the cleaning guy a new one in the hallway in front of the nurse manager’s office because WERE YOU RAISED BY WILD ANIMALS BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?! IT IS STANDARD PROTOCOL TO FUCKING KNOCK ON A LOCKED DOOR IN A PUBLIC PLACE OR AT LEAST LET A MOTHERFUCKER KNOW YOU’RE UNLOCKING THE DOOR BEFORE YOU CHARGE IN, AND YOU ARE GODDAMN LUCKY I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL WAS STABBING ME IN MY EYE AND NOT DOING SOMETHING WHERE MY PANTIES WERE AROUND MY ANKLES OR I WOULD HAVE TOTALLY GOTTEN FIRED FOR VIOLENCE IN THE WORKPLACE BECAUSE O.M.G.
*ahem*
I’m just asking. For a friend.
My Undercover Life 
You…moved….<accusatory tone….I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE.
Yes I moved across the world with a week's notice. Doesn't mean I like change.
HELLO at your new home.
*waving* come on and make yourself at home. At least this place is roomier?
Bwahahahahahaha!
I mean…REALLY. Who does that?