Because I’m the most helpful person ever

My cousin in 23 years old.

And she’s never been to Vegas. (I know. It’s hard to believe we’re related)

Actually, the funny thing is that of my younger cousins, she is the MOST LIKE ME. 

Anyways. She IMs me on Facebook. I know. A lot of my cousins IM me on Facebook. Which I find to be weird. But what are you gonna do? Family.

She tells me that she wants to go to Vegas for her birthday. In JANUARY. I think her exact words were ” Be there, or never be spoken to again…or something” So, uh…yeah. TWIST MY ARM, I’ll be there. And then I say, “Hey, me and your cousins will be there in April, B2V is coming. Blah blah blah…. they’ll be running/volunteering; I’ll be drinking on the sidelines… blah blah blah….And the weather is perfect…blah blah…. Ditch Fridays at the Palms”

And then after she grilled me about Ditch Fridays, she said that she was scrapping Vegas in January plans. 

Me: Well, you can always have a HALF birthday. JUST SAYING.

So in case you were ever wondering, I AM sorta helpful. Depending on what you want help with.

 

Yes, I really said that

Every once in a while, I’ll tell my sister a story and her response is “Did you really say that?”  The answer has always been yes. I guess she asks because whatever I said seems like a completely ridiculous thing to say to another person.

But. I maintain that I live in some kind of bizarro world where people often say things to me that are completely out of order, but act like it is the most normal thing in the world to say to another person:

So Tuesday, I had to go run errands. I have a dress which I LOVE, but is ridiculously unflattering. It makes my boobs look HUGE (okay, yeah…I have huge boobs, but even bigger than normal) and its unflattering tummy-wise. Why did I go out in it? Because I don’t care. It’s comfy, and it was first thing I saw.

ANYWAYS, I ran into my sister-in-law. Who ended up needing a ride, so I dropped her at my FIL’s house. And her aunt was there.

An aunt, who, I would like to add, has known me for enough years to know that I am in NO WAY planning to have any other kids.

Aunt: Oh look at you. What is *THIS*?

And then you guys? SHE RUBS MY BELLY.

Okay. Now I’m going to interject to say TWO THINGS:

  1. Every woman should know NOT to assume another woman is pregnant.
  2. Just because you are older than I am (60ish to my 30ish), doesn’t NOT mean that I’m just going to stand there and let you insult me.

Me: Yeah, that’s fat. [And then I rubbed her belly RIGHT BACK.]

Just like that. Only smaller.

 

I actually think that was an appropriate response to that sort of question. I sort of feel like if you feel like it’s okay to say these kinds of things to me, I’m allowed to respond in kind. No?

Random

So I have an iPhone. I wouldn’t say that I am guzzling the kool-aid, but taking cautious sips.

I don’t LOVE it. I loved my droid. But, we were having an issue that I just couldn’t resolve, so I decided to test the waters with an iPhone. I don’t hate it.

It’s taking some adjustment, let’s say.

Like for instance, this particular phone always wants to be on whatever local wireless connection that’s available. It’s kind of weird that I get these random pop-ups suggesting different wireless connections. Usually I just cancel it out, because OBVIOUSLY: No.

 But this one particular time it happened, I was sending a text to The Man and one network caught my eye. My assumption is that before this, his network must not have been password protected.

I’m not sure if the opportunity to see this is a PLUS or a MINUS for iPhone.

The things I tell my friends

Sometimes, all I can do is send e-mails in bullets. I’m pretty much the laziest e-mail writer ever:

Subject: Preemptive Strike

1. Did not bring my lunch today.

2. Also? Forgot my sweater from Old Navy that still has the sensor on it.

3. BUT. Am going to the sprint store today for lunch.

4. I have a headache.  I think that caffeine may be necessary.

                a. I’ve already had 2 Aleve

                b. AND a caramel macchiato. But it was decaf?

                c. Maybe I should just have a ½ a coke.

5. I sent this in an e-mail with no explanation to The Man in warning:

Yes, I just told the entire internet it's my ladytime

                 a. I feel like he deserves fair warning for my all around general b!tchy attitude during my rare waking hours because shark week is also making me sleepy.